that's an acceptable place to lick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
