i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
