Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
