My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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