I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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