Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
