So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
