Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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