You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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