Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
