she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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