if i can run in heels then i can drive
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
