i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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