i barfeds in our rink
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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