Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
