Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
