i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
