boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
