is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
