He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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