Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
