I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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