guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
