First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
