The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
