Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
