I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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