So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
