i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
