"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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