theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
