Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
