Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
