From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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