And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have post one night stand depression
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