piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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