I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
