she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
