I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
