Dual....:-)
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
