you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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