she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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