Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
