Cold hands, warm shart.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
