Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
