Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
