I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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