When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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