I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
