I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
