Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
