Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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