Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
