you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize