there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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