i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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