Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
