I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
