i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
