peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
