Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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