Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
