it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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