when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
